Firsts. and ramblings

To start with, this being a mom thing really knocked me for a loop. For some reason I thought I was cut out for it and that I'd handle it with grace and ease and know the right answer at least half the time. Enter a crappy birth experience (I'll write about that some day when I stop crying about it), a hopsital stay for clots pretty much everywhere (ER docs comment? "In the olden days you would have been dead." thanks.), breastfeeding that felt worse than any torture you can imagine, giving myself shots twice a day and a really messed up batch of hormones (PPD is a very disconcerting thing) and just the general exhaustion/fear/newness that surrounds becoming a mom, I never started or got a baby book for Henri. Nowhere did I record the firsts or gush about each little movement she made. For some reason I was too focused on trying to stay alive myself (did I mention I might have had a major touch of whacked out hormones?) and keeping Henri in a reasonable state of wellbeing. I don't know how moms can get organized enough to have newborn shoots and post loving descriptions of gazing on their sleeping infant.

 So, 6 months out, I have finally started her baby book. And I found the perfect one. It's called "The first 1000 days" by Nikki McClure and is perfect for those who are a bit disorganized. Basically, it's a journal with small prompts and gorgeous woodcut prints.


 There's minimal space for photos or such, so that's helping a bit with the guilt that I never got her footprints taken (who forgets to do that sort of a thing?! see, not cut out to be a mom). Each month to 24 months has two pages to record, well, whatever, and then there are sections for adventures and songs and books and such. And firsts. This is what I've been recording lately because I can't remember what happened in month 2-4 (I don't think a whole lot did, but it would be nice to remember when she first smiled....).
This month's firsts?
*1st food: An apple slice. She loves them. Has now also eaten mango, banana, cream of wheat, prunes, sweet potato, winter squash, lemons, peas (not a hit), applesauce, and mum-mums.

*1st tooth. Bottom left. She had a stuffy nose for two weeks preceeding so I knew it was coming but was still suprised when I found it. Very sharp though just a little pin-prick in size, and she's loving the way it feels against her tongue. That coincides with

*1st bite while breastfeeding. You can probably imagine the reaction.

*1st ear infection. Sooooooo sad for her about this one. I've only had one, and I was 13 at the time, so I know how painful they are. She hasn't seemed in pain, just had a low grade temp and croupy cough for the past 24 hours. I refused abx cause the studies show they're not effective for ear infections and should be used sparingly. So while I know they don't help, I just feel so guilty not doing something for her. When she gets older she'll be able to take full advantage of that guilt. For now she's just getting all the cuddles she'll tolerate and a VIP pass to the boobs.

You can be sure it's all going into the baby journal. And now I'm going to go gaze lovingly at my sleeping babe. And check her breathing because I'm still a paranoid mess....